im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
