I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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