We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
