I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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