I got chris browned last night
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
