Well douche your snatch and let's go!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
