My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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