The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
