when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
