I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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