Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
