the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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