ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
