Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
