I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
