He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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