i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
