Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Im part way to drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
