I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I cockslap morals
I want to walk on stilts...naked
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
