i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
