I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
