Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
