What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
