Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
