if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm passing your future prison.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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