Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
