I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
