I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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