with your own penis?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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