I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
