Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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