This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
