I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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