The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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