3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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