You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ttyl tear gas
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
