hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
