so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Found your dick twin last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
