So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
