Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
