no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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