Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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