doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
