I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
