Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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