Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
