He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
