standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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