Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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