john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
