It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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