I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
