well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
