Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
