I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
