U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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